Trust His Heart; My life (Ages 6-10)

Psalm 73
22 So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.
23 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou has held me by my right hand
24 Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory
25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
27 For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go whoring from thee.
28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.

Place of Residence:
Toa Payoh Lor 1

School:
San Shan Primary School

Memories
-Since grandma left, going to the house in Lor Ah Soo seemed less joyful

- Never seen a grown man (grandpa) crying so much for his wife

- Their house seemed a bit quieter, familiar smell of grandma slowly fades away

- Started primary school as well as TAF club. For those who dont know, it stands for Trim And Fit. flip it the other way round, and you get FAT club

- Couldn't really remember how Pri 1 was like, results are ok

- Not good with homework, mum & sis just thought i was lazy, turns out to be dslyxia. Which i found out like a year ago... Diao...

- Most whacking & head knocking & scolding sessions of my life, yaa, coz homework no good

- Found out Dad has artistic flair too. I still kept his drawing.. Somewhere..

- Drew a picture of Mum & Dad. Got best drawing in class. Don't recall if anyone appreciates it

- More of Mum and Dad's quarrels.
The most severe one was mum not allowing dad to come in. Ok, before i go on, FYI. We install this "knock door" thingy, which was a dragon head, its nose is pretty sharp. So anyway, i recall peeping out of the room, sobbing away whil e my sisters kept pulling me back.
Then at one point, dad pushed mum so hard, her head knocked against the dragon head. I wailed.
Dad was kind of strangling mum, and pushing her against the door, slapping and punching her, well, most of it i couldnt see very well, coz my head was flooded.
All i remembered was I suddenly remembered, mum bought a set of razor sharp jap cutting knives, and hid them in the closet in the room where i was at, just in case dad ever took them.
I immediately went to the closet, pulled out the drawer and took out one of the knives.
All I wanted to do, is to stop this man from hurting my mum.
Make sure he doesnt come back and hurt her anymore.
I think mum saw me, i remembered how she screamed for me to stop, and screamed at my sisters to get rid of the knife in my hand and close the door.
I recalled screaming, "Mummy! Mummy!! Dont make my mummy!"
well, i dont recall how the night end.
All i know is, i hated the man i had to call father.

-Mum's always working. Back then, she worked 18 hours with 3 jobs @ the same place. Housekeeper, waitress, squash club attendent. From not knowing a single word of English, to knowing the whole menu and could converse in English in 3 months. From a pay of $300 to $2,000 plus. Imagine the amount of OT and hardwork she put in?

- Started getting headaches and die-rear. Notice how mum was always concerned for me, so i ended up faking.
Till when i was in primary 3, while mum was napping, it was one of my "fake sick" days. I told mum i didnt want to study anymore.
Maybe most of you know, but i'll still tell.
Anyway, without a single word, mum sprang up from her bed and disappeared.
Sensing something was wrong, i slowly crept out on all fours, advancing to the living room. No sight of her
Then i went to the kitchen. I saw mum standing at the back of the kitchen, with her hands akimbo. Something shined in her hand. DIAO... Her other hand was holding a chopper!!
-WAH, tell you ar, i jumped up and started running.
But seriously, i was just super dumb la, i ran in circles. So in the end, still ran back to her. She grabbed my legs and put the chopper there and said," You dont want to study, then dont need legs lor, no need to walk to school" Then i, no no no no no no no...
Then she grabbed my hands and said "THen i chopped your hands, then dont need to write"
Of course i still say no no no la..
Then she put the chopper on my head, "If not i chop off your brain, no need to think!"
Wah.. Freaked out and then cried like mad.
THen of course, there was the non stop action of caning me on my calves (for the whole universe to see) until i bled slightly.
And then she sent me to detention with the earth god, while she went back to sleep
Not trying to defend myself ar, but i was trying to help and i wanted to spend more time with her..
But i guess, mum's method was never communication last time.

That night, my aunty chris came over, gave me another round of scolding, plus a bit of caning, and made me vowed in front of the goddess of mercy. I think she slapped me too, but that i really cant remember.
Only remembered her calling my mum the next day, and fearfully telling her how my dead grandma scolded her in a dream, saying how can anyhow make me swear?

- School was getting more fun, started staying in school later and later, till mum caught me red-handed, hanging upside down on a monkey bar (last time i small la!!)
So ya... Caning, plus sisters' caning me, detention with earth god

- Detention means they (either mum or sis) make me kneel down in front of the earth god, pull my ears, and the time frame for kneeling will be a joss stick.
Usually i'll spend my time blowing the joss stick so i wont have to kneel so long.

- Then got interested in electric stuff. Started dismantling spoilt radios, stripping wires, and in one case, tried on the phone, until the phone spoilt. haha

- eldest sis had chicken pox, then 2nd sis, then me.

- loved the chinese group grasshopper, little tiger, tommy page

- found out about masturbation

- crush on my 2nd sis girl classmate

- kick a boy's groin for bullying my friend

- wanted to be singer

- once, while dad was sleeping, stole one of his ciggies, went to toilet and smoke. Till he woke up, and i was caught red handed. Of course kena slapped. Mum scolded a bit.

- Started drinking beer bubbles from my mum.
Once my mum told me, dad liked to drink those chinese strong brew wine. So there was once, he left a cup at the edge of the table and went to the toilet. And when he came out of the toilet, he was so shock to find me squatting outside the toilet.
He called my names a few times, and according to him, i was just squatting there, stone.
He picked me up and went to the living room, that's when he realised that the cup was empty.
yes, he scolded me. but i seriously dont remember!!

- When i was 8, grandpa had stroke. Months later, he passed away. Somehow he was having diffculty getting up that morning, tried to get off bed but fell. No one as at home. He tried calling my godma, and my godma called the ambulance. But well, too late..

- Anyway, one thing i missed about grandma and grandpa was, this warm feeling whenever im at their home. They each will sit at their corner, but still.. Warmth feeling.

- When grandpa was young, he came to singapore to work. Shortly after he arrived, singapore was invaded. He was caught, as his hands was too smooth, supposedly to be beheaded. He was the last guy on the line. As the jap soldier struck the guy on his side slightly faster than his own executor, grandpa was pulled down by the other dead body, and thus! the knife missed grandpa's whole head, but bore a deep cut at the back of his head.
He showed me the scar :)

- Since grandpa didnt die, the jap treated him as one of the god who has reincarnated. So they let him go, and even offered him a job in the kitchen after learning that his specialty is to cook!

- I've seen grandpa's pictures when he's a young man, married to my grandma. SO HANDSOME!!! The strange thing was, my grandma wasnt pretty at all. So, grandpa must have seen that big lovely heart of grandma!

- With both of them gone, the house is even colder. The unity of the family started breaking up.

- Life goes on, as usual. Sisters were going through the teen phrase of their lives. Gangsterism, BGR, running away from home.

-While for me, sins of sexuality just kept revolving around me even since the age of 6. I guess, nobody taught me what was wrong and right.

- Mum's drinking every night.

- Incident of the bat that flew into our house that night. Freaked the living lights out of us.

- At the age of 9, going on to 10, dad was accused of wanting to chop my sisters up when actually it's my sisters' fault. Mum knew, and she spoke up, but the police already escorted dad away.

Ahhhh... Well... So drama.. As i went through the thoughts of these parts of my life, i really am thankful to God for sustaining my family. Without His sovereign plans, i wont be sharing this on my blog at all.

Yesterday was music sunday, and that means, it marks my 2nd year returning to Galilee Church. So thankful to God for sustaining me, giving me friends who are so dear to me, giving me even younger ones to look out for, and mostly, a place where my gifts can be used to glorify God and not for self glorification.

I loved the songs we chose. one of it is the title of this post. When we were practising, i had the most difficult weeks. As i was presenting yesterday, I could only smile and marvel at how real and faithful God is. So i will end this long long blog with part of the song below :)

God bless to all!

God is too wise to be mistaken,
God is too good to be unkind.
When you dont understand,
When you dont see His plans,
When you cant see His hands,
Trust His heart.

He alone is faithful and true,
He alone knows what is best for you!