Go

Matthew 28:19
[19] Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

These two weeks had been tiring and trying.. Just cant believe how strong the opposing spiritual forces are.. But thank God, He is still my Defender, my Fortress.

Thought yesterday was the last straw.. Somehow my bosses got another potential investor, and told him only iceberg tip details of what's happening. So this charismatic guy, tries telling me (as of all the others) what God's will is for me..
DIao....

Suddenly, i am hardworking, efficient worker.. Whatever happens to "idiot, no capacity to think, no initiative"? Nonetheless, I just smiled and said i will pray about it.

But i was angry, angry at the many times people used God's name to do something, to gain something that would benefit themselves. Do these people honestly think they will get away with it????

At the same time, I felt extremely frustrated. So i made myself write it out.. Vent on paper. I end up writing poem!! anyway, here it is la..

So many voices
So many reasons
father help me to only hear Your voice

Only when I'm leaving,
suddenly it seems
I'm no longer an idiot
who cannot think
but someone efficient
and good

The devil's laughing
coz it feels like he's winning
Father teach me to see You,
only You.

You are the Mighty Creator
You are the God who split the Red Sea
The same God dwelling in me.

Even in church
so many thoughts
telling me to focus on my problems instead
of You

Do they mean I'm reading a diff bible,
maybe its just a book on magic.
That's because I dont see God in their life
when they dont live it

The devil's laughing
coz it feels like he's winning
Father teach me to see only you

You are God Most High
You protected Your people even through fire
You're the same God dwelling in me

People I love
People I trust,
there's a gap now

The devil could be laughing
But he forgot,
I know You,
the One and Only

The God who came down in flesh
The God who was spat on
and crucified for my unworthiness
The God, only God will have power
to conquer death

The same God dwelling in me.

Hmm, looking back now, i feel like a small child ranting.. But anyway, i was quite angry la.. I think i scared a few people with my haunting smses.. Haha.. But thank God for them, coz i know they always praying for me! AHhhh.. I want to hug and kiss them all!! hmm, maybe minus the kissing part.. hur hur..

Anyways, was praying before i sleep. God pls pls pls, let me only hear Your voice. And this morning before I did my quiet time, same prayer, but add, i need clear instructions, You want me to go or not...

Then, the quiet time devotion says (from Experiencing God Day by Day)

Go, Matthew 28:19

WAH!! almost fell from my chair.. Haha.. Ahhhhh.. Sweet sweet Jesus, You must have felt the heart aches..

and the devotions includes the "reasons" people gave for not following Jesus. Not that I am saying Jesus is saying avoid all responsibilities, but do you trust Him enough to take care of everything..

I do. And let it be known, I will learn and try and will put God first in my life.