Psalm 90
[1] LORD, thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations.
[2] Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God.
[3] Thou turnest man to destruction; and sayest, Return, ye children of men.
[4] For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, and as a watch in the night.
[5] Thou carriest them away as with a flood; they are as a sleep: in the morning they are like grass which groweth up.
[6] In the morning it flourisheth, and groweth up; in the evening it is cut down, and withereth.
[7] For we are consumed by thine anger, and by thy wrath are we troubled.
[8] Thou hast set our iniquities before thee, our secret sins in the light of thy countenance.
[9] For all our days are passed away in thy wrath: we spend our years as a tale that is told.
[10] The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.
[11] Who knoweth the power of thine anger? even according to thy fear, so is thy wrath.
[12] So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.
[13] Return, O LORD, how long? and let it repent thee concerning thy servants.
[14] O satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
[15] Make us glad according to the days wherein thou hast afflicted us, and the years wherein we have seen evil.
[16] Let thy work appear unto thy servants, and thy glory unto their children.
[17] And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.

Moses wrote this Psalm when Aaron died (Numbers 20:23 ~ 29).

After having a long talk with Annie last night, was reminded again about my duty as a daughter of an unsaved mum. So again, possible death of my family members started processing in my head, what would I do if they are gone without being saved. She asked me if i were to travel to Chiangmai for 3 months, and mum were to leave during this period of time, how would I feel?

As usual, i didnt say anything, i just nodded my head. Yes, that was exactly my problem. I've prayed so many nights, cried so many times, if God's willing that my mum will be saved, if not, please dont let me turn away from You...

Suddenly all my plans for the next 3 months were just jumbled and messed up. Now i really dont know what to do.

Suddenly it seems that i have been potraying how much i hate my family, when I actually dont! In fact the pains i am feeling is because i loved them!!

I am confused.

It seems that more people want me to stay in Singapore because of what i can do to help them, then going over to Chiangmai to build church.

Would i be like Moses? Losing a brother who had been by your side, leading, praying with you for so many years. Still, Moses focused on the Lord. His psalm was full of praises to the Lord.

Father, help me please. I dont understand Your ways, and my fellow Christians friends had been making me very very confuse. i dont understand them either. Is the devil working in them to tell me to stop?

Why do they assume things which You had taken care of? Please teach me how to respond.. I am very very sian. Show me how You want me to do things. Teach me to have faith like Moses. I want to stay focus on You, but people enjoy pulling my focus off You and make me focus on my problems.

Seriously.. I dont know what they are trying to do.... If You dont know want me to go, please tell me.

Help me to feel the right way, because. I am just simply disappointed with a lot of people. Lord, help me to forgive them the way You had forgiven me so many million times.

Thank You for always enabling me to comfort others. Thank You for bringing me back to Your side. Thank You for Your love, though i cannot comprehend why would You love me. Thank You for Your Son, Jesus. Thank You for Your word.

Thank You, because You were, You are and Is to come.
Thank You for Your reminders, that
You are the same God who created the whole universe in 6 days
You are the same God who spilt open the Red Sea
You are the same God who rained manna from heaven
You are the same God who provided water from rock
You are the same God who protect Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego from the fiery furnance
You are the same God who kept Daniel safe in the lions' den
You are the same God who came down to earth in flesh
You are the same God who died on the cross for my sins
You are the same God who resurrected on the 3rd day
You are the same God who is the Comforter abiding in me
You are the same God yesterday, today and forever.

Help me Father, give me strength to do the right thing, Your things, Your way, Your timing, Your will.

Lord, You know the desire of my heart. I want to serve You full time. Please help me to be patient. Teach me.